Just Punishment
by DistractedlyHere
Summary: DL. Based on the spoilers for S3 Ep 1416, and my own afterspoiler take. Fluffy Angst. Angsty Fluff...you know the genre.
1. Chapter 1: Just Punishment

A/N: I own nothing this is based on Season 3 eps to-date and spoilers.

**Chapter 1: Just Punishment**

Before she had even returned to duty after testifying in Bozeman she had heard the rumors that there was something going on between Angell and Messer. He had called her a few times but she didn't return the calls, expecting instead to be able to face him in-person with some more clarity after the trial. But she tabled that plan learning that he had moved on. She returned to her empty, dark apartment and briefly looked around at everything that had not changed since she left. With some frustration she threw her luggage on her bed and donned her running clothes. Leaving her apartment again within moments of having returned to it, she had no real plan in mind. This was instinct.

She ran, and ran, and ran. She could feel her calves and thighs burning and crying out for a respite but she wouldn't relent. If she ran hard enough and fast enough maybe the confusion would clear and the pain would dissipate. She had left Danny to his own devices and it led him away from her and to Angell. Who was she to object? She was punishing her body for the uncertainty of her heart and the hesitation of her mind.

He went to find her, to explain, but she wasn't home. He tried to think of a next, better move and his mind was numb. "Moves" were getting him nowhere he figured he might be better off being genuine. He shoved his cold hands in the pockets of his pea coat after turning the wool collar up against his throat, and he waited outside her building. He waited more than an hour.

He could see her blocks away, the steam puffs of her warm breath meeting the cold January NYC air, over and over. Perhaps he was imaging it but he heard the pounding of her soles to the pavement, over and over forcefully, incessantly. She didn't come to her own door. She slowed and eventually halted in front of a newsstand across the street. Danny narrowed his eyes and watched as the weathered newsstand owner passed her a small duffle bag from behind his counter. She extracted a water bottle and NYPD wind breaker that she shrugged over her shoulders. She and the newsstand keeper were engaging in dialogue while she stood outside the stand, stretching. Danny grinned at her intimacy with a man so many New Yorkers ignored in their daily lives. His Montana. He crossed the street to their side with the full intent of eavesdropping as much as possible.

"I know, you know better, but you need to not run so much. Today you were gone long time, after dark, in big city, you tire yourself out and you are no match for a bad man." The newsman scolded Lindsay, an affectionate tone to his Eastern European accent.

"I know Mika. Tonight I was distracted, lost in thought." She said alternating her weight to her other foot, stretching her other hamstring.

"Lost in thought, and yet, not thinking." The shop keeper replied looking away from her, up the street gauging business. She sighed.

"Its been a rough few weeks." The newsman met her eye, seeing the tears behind them and Danny caught the hitch in her voice.

"Mmffffph." He groaned like so many scolding mothers trying to keep the sympathy out of the discussion. "I am glad you are home back here now." The 'where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you are safe' was implied.

Lindsay stood up straight ceasing her stretches and pulling the zipper on her jacket up higher. She gave her grizzled friend a weary smile.

"Mika, I don't even know where 'home' is anymore." She turned to leave and Danny thought this was his chance to approach her when the shop-keeper bellowed out,

"Detective Lindsay!" she turned with urgency matching the tone of his as she trotted the two steps back to his stand.

"I got you welcome home present." He said.

She titled her head and gave him a smile with a quizzical grin. Even watching it from the shadows caused a warmth somewhere inside of Danny.

Mika bent down and pulled a single periodical from behind his counter and extended it to Lindsay. She took it and only had to glance at the issue to recognize the _Bozeman Telegraph_ and understand.

"Mika…"

"I pull strings," he said, watching her reaction. "I get one copy every day."

Tears escaped her eyes, she dropped her gym bag and leaned her torso over the counter to deliver a kiss to the old man's cheek.

"I can't remember when anyone did something so nice for me." She said still sniffling. Danny made a mental note to do nice things for Lindsay more frequently.

"Not for you, for business. Now I know I can count on your $0.50 every day. Forecasting they call it. I read Fortune when it is slow." Mike replied shrugging.

She brushed her cheek and beamed at him. She knew about men too tough to admit a tenderness for another human being.

"Right, of course." She picked her bag up again. "Well, thank you either way. I'll see you tomorrow."

Danny made a second mental note to buy this Mika guy a drink. Lindsay was now in a generous state of mind and snapped out of her dark and punishing one.

He emerged from the shadows and approached her.

"Montana?"

She didn't jump when she heard him but the warm smile melted from her face.

"Danny." She uttered, not knowing what else to say.

"Welcome back." He said his hands in his pockets as he reached her side.

"Thanks." She began crossing the street to her own building and he fell in step with her.

A/N: Chap 3 is written I just have to get us from here to there in some kind of a meaningful chapter 2..


	2. Chapter 2: Closing a Distance

A/N: OK, so I messed up and thought I uploaded chapter 1 but didn't publish it…but I did. So, once I realized that I tried hard to put chapter 2 together.

**Chapter 2: Closing a Distance**

She didn't jump when she heard him but the warm smile melted from her face.

"Danny." She uttered, not knowing what else to say.

"Welcome back." He said his hands in his pockets as he reached her side.

"Thanks." She began crossing the street to her own building and he fell in step with her.

She closed her eyes and let out a soft but protracted sigh. She was no mood for being let down gently. She admired Danny for being man enough to come to her and offer his reasoning for no longer being interested in a relationship. But at the same time she resented it. She would have preferred a smaller gesture if none at all so she didn't have to process it and spend the effort to make him feel better about her hurting her. Emotionally her reserves were drained and she was operating at a deficit. She knew actually that she had been for some time. But this was all too much. Here he was undoubtedly feeling sorry for her, having heard something about why she went home, and yet here to erase whatever had begun between them so he could go on unencumbered with Angell.

Danny watched as the cloud past over her face and she gazed at her feet. He tried to think of how differently this talk could have been going if he didn't have to set things right first. She needed him. That much was obvious to him. She needed someone who would love her and be her rock when the world fell apart. He wanted to be that man. But here he stood watching a tears seemed to threaten to escape but she forcibly halted them and he knew no matter what else she was mourning she was also mourning the loss of that man.

"Montana. I don't know what you heard or what you are thinking but…"

"Danny can we not do this now. I am really tired. Whatever you have to say, you don't need to apologize. I am happy for you, really. I just need to go inside and get some sleep." She said knowing this night would bring her no rest.

He jammed his hands in his pockets although he longed to embrace her. He set himself in front of her.

"Happy for me?"

"That you are with Angell. She'll be good for you, and I know you…" He interrupted her, he couldn't listen to this.

"Nah, nah, nah. Montana you got this wrong. There ain't nothing between Angell and me."

"Danny I heard about…" His hands went through his hair as he arched his back slightly looking up at the sky letting out a small groan.

"Montana. Forget anything you heard and listen." He said a little gruffly, then added more softly. "Listen to _me_," He said emphasizing the last word so she would remember he was someone special to her.

She blinked slowly as a tear finally escaped her eye. She tried to pretend she didn't notice it but he couldn't. He reached up and brushed it away with his thumb while resting his palm on her cheek.

"Maybe you didn't want me to. Probably," he said shifting on his feet "you would have told me not to. But since that day in the hallway, the only thing I could do is wait for you. I don't want to try with anyone else. I just wanted you, home and safe, and standing this close to me, looking at me the way only you do. Smiling at me with the only smile I want to see. Without even trying, but making me feel this way inside, the way only you do."

She looked at the depth of the blue eyes peering at her, and any doubts she had about him being a player evaporated. Even if he was she couldn't resist him in this moment.

She closed her eyes and didn't open them for a long minute. She was shivering, not expecting be to still and outside for so long. He noticed and it took considerable effort on his part not to envelope her in his arms.

"Montana. I got nothing more to say. I just wanted you to know that. Go inside and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Danny." She said sharply, opening her eyes and reaching one arm out to grab his elbow. "Really?" She asked. He made no answer while trying to puzzle out what the question was.

"Do you really mean all that you said. About me…and you?" She asked more pointedly.

"'Course kiddo. I'm sorry you even have to ask. But yes." He said. Her touch emboldening him to reach out to her, taking both her elbows in his hands. "Lindsay, there's so much of you in my mind and," he hesitated but then decided to continue. "…and in my heart, there ain't room for anyone else."

Then came another tear she tried to ignore.

"Danny I…" she faltered but took a small step closer to the warmth his body offered. "I thought I would come back whole. I thought the trip, and court, would close all the old wounds and I could come back to NY without the fears and concerns. And maybe be ready." She gazed again at the tops of her shoes as even she could not deny another tear fell atop her sneaker. She took another small step even closer to him, the top of her head almost leaning against his chest. She closed her eyes and continued.

"But I think it may be worse." She said to the pavement, now visibly fighting back sobs.

"Montana," He said fully taking her in his arms and closing the space between them. "Lets go inside. Its cold. If nothing else, forever, I am your friend. And you need a friend tonight."

She leaned into his embrace, but he could tell it was not complete surrender. She dug into the pocket of the windbreaker and pulled out a key and handed it to him while nodding and wiping her eyes.

"Would you like to come up?" she asked with mock uncertainty.

He gently kissed her forehead and slid his arm around her waist guiding her up the stairs.

A/N….ahhh…so I think what I thought chapter 3 which is done, may actually be 4….but I'll keep working on the bridge.


	3. Chapter 3: Start at the Beginning

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the encouraging words. Tell me if you think the beginning is quick.

**Chapter 3 – Start at the Beginning**

Safely in the warmth of her apartment she exchanged the windbreaker for an oversized 'U of M' sweatshirt. And to Danny's slight chagrin, pulled a baggy pair of wind pants over her form-fitting running pants.

She didn't know where to begin, or how much to share. As much as she knew he thought he did – she knew he probably didn't really want to know the whole story. He was walking a razor thin line - not wanting to push her, but no longer willing to watch her suffer in silence. She made no pretense of offering him a drink. He was not an invited guest. This was no dinner party. They sat inches apart facing each other on her couch. She was rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand. He hesitantly reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Montana…" he said in a whisper, but not knowing what to say next. It hung in the air, to her, reverberating.

"Montana." She slowly repeated. The word itself stirring up all the memories she tried to leave behind.

Her heavy eyelids blinked slowly as she looked at him. Unsure of himself, he said nothing only looking into the pain she held in her eyes. Something in the way he looked at her prompted her to simply pick a point and begin.

"We were chasing a multiple in Bozeman. You know how it is. You chase a psycho during the day but you still try to act like a human being who hasn't seen pure evil at night."

Danny nodded, reaching out to rest his hand on her upper arm. The job made parts of them cold, maybe even dead. It was something civilians couldn't understand.

"The investigation was ongoing. Months of work. I took a couple of days vacation with my friends. We went camping. Normal camping stuff. Fire, beers, friends. Eventually we all went to our tents for the night. In the morning, when I woke up." She hesitated and Danny saw her pupils change in diameter. She was no longer focused on anything in her field of view. She was in the past, in a place far away from him.

"In the morning the first thing I noticed was feeling sticky. I thought there was tree sap getting into the tent. When I woke up more I looked at my friend Sarah who I was sharing a tent with, and I thought it must be a dream. You know, those dreams?" She looked at him for confirmation. "You see enough dead bodies on the job and they end up in the cast of characters in your dreams." Danny nodded. She was speaking of things in his own heart that he never brought to the light of day with anyone else.

"I couldn't make sense of what was happening." She continued. "My head was splitting with pain, and I knew I felt this stickiness. I knew I was awake. Instinctively I felt for Sarah's pulse and found a wide knife wound. And then I understood she was dead, murdered. She was dead next to me and I was sticky with her blood. I screamed, I don't know for how long, but no one came. Then I began to panic. No one came. Our other friends, they didn't come. I went to check the other tent, finding only more dead bodies. Same. Throats cut, bled out."

She stopped and returned her focus to Danny. He knew that neither English nor Italian contained a single word of comfort for her. He simply continued to offer himself. His eyes held her gaze.

She blinked slowly again and continued.

"I tried to think of what to do. I couldn't help them. I couldn't save them. They were all dead. I thought about hiking to the ranger station, but all I could think of was animals getting to my friends, and the evidence, and I didn't want to leave them." She wrung her hands together reliving the helplessness. "But I could process. I could collect the evidence. I knew eventually someone would notice we were missing and come looking. I used what I had to collect samples. I dug a deep hole to keep cool anything that might degrade in heat. At dark I built a huge bonfire hoping to attract attention, unwilling to leave my friends. I never thought about the perp coming back. I didn't care if he did. All he could do was kill me too, and then and there, I wasn't afraid of that. Three nights, three bonfires and finally someone came. Later they found out the tents had been gassed. That's why no one screamed, they were unconscious. Its why my head was splitting that morning."

Danny had a million questions. Where did she sleep those nights? Alone outside in the cold? In tents with dead bodies? Who came looking for her? What was her evidence? Was she raped when gassed? Why had she not been killed too? He asked none of those.

"Montana, you know you don't have to go on? You don't gotta tell me anything. I'll take whatever I can whenever you are ready." He said. But he didn't say what he was really thinking 'Please stop. You're killin' me here Montana…all this pain I can't erase for you. Please don't let it get worse.'


End file.
